Wow. I'm sorry to have neglected this poor little blog for so long. After a time, I stopped thinking about all of this constantly, though it's always an underlying current in my mind. Today, though, I started to remember that it is the same reason why people can't find enough information when they're abandoned, so here I am, to post another update.
Well, well, in my last post, I referenced how I'd later find out why we couldn't go to his apartment. The short answer would be that one thing Clark was not good at as a sociopath was maintaining focus to follow through with anything. He was, however, very good at getting what he wanted in the short term. So, just like he moved from target to target on whim, so did he move from home to home.
The cycle, I learned( particularly in hindsight) was something like this: lock target who can either furnish room in their home or pay for a home for him, use home until the home has nothing left to offer and begins to fall into ruins, abandon home for new home. (Ha! Sound familiar?)
You might wonder what I mean when I say he let a home fall into ruins. Well, let me clarify. Clark was always far too busy juggling lies and his own whims and targeting people to bother with piteous things like cleaning or laundry. Those things would only get done for one of two reasons: 1.) he could use taking his laundry to a target's home as an excuse to visit for some ulterior motive or 2.) he would clean so as to present himself a certain way to a certain target. This became a particular problem when combined with another problem: he makes his living leeching off of other people. Therefore, if he somehow manages to estrange his current financier, he will in no way be paying bills or rent.
I remember the day we "couldn't go to his apartment" because it was "a mess." I stayed in the car while he went inside, however, and got his clothes together to leave to spend the night elsewhere. It was a few months later that he was at my house when he received a phone call telling him he was being kicked out of his apartment. His things would have to be put into storage by the next day, but unexplicably, he couldn't be persuaded to "get help" with this from me. I know now that it was because he got help from another target who had heard different circumstances surrounding his eviction. That's another important rule of the sociopath's: never, ever let other targets talk to each other without you present, but I digress...
I would later learn his rent was months overdue, and one reason he had not been staying at his apartment--ever--was because his electricity and water had been turned off long ago due to his not paying the bills. Strangely, though, as a sociopath, this actually worked to his advantage. It worked as one of those infamous pity ploys I've talked about. "There was a mix-up at the power company," or "I've been having money trouble for so long but I had too much pride to tell anyone, and now I'm in a mess!" (*cue crocodile tears*).
It happened several times when I knew him and that I know of since. And sadly, that isn't where it ends. Like targets and homes, pets were another thing subject to his whims, but that's again, another story for another time. I guess the moral of this story would be, again, if you've gotten THAT close to someone and yet, something of this nature is being kept from you...there's probably a good reason why.
Showing posts with label red flags. Show all posts
Showing posts with label red flags. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Sunday, August 8, 2010
In the Beginning
I wish I'd saved every text I sent, every IM chat, and taped every conversation I had with friends in the days following my beginning to find out what Clark was. I wish that, because while so much of me wants to be able to pretend he never existed, I also don't want to forget all of the things that have happened, either. It's kind of one of those "stranger than fiction" things that has just been so enormous and unbelievable that I feel if I've lived through it, I should at least remember every bit of it (as twisted as that may seem). Over these months, we've talked about so many memories and analyzed so many behaviors, and I want to have a record of it. Part of me thinks if I have that record, maybe I can stop thinking about it so much in an effort to remember it, because I'll have it down if I should ever feel the need to peruse it again. Thus, this blog. I'll still do posts on certain topics relating to sociopaths, but I'm also going to start telling the events as I remember them, just because I want them down.
Which brings me to my first real interactions with Clark. One of them involved plans we were supposed to have one night, yet the day of, I couldn't get ahold of him via cell phone. I kept texting and texting, starting to get nervous. Breaking off our afternoon plans was one thing, but we were supposed to be attending a big event that night, but I had no idea what time we were meeting, etc. I'm someone who lives by planner, so this was a problem.
Finally, a mutual aquaintance sent me a text saying Clark had texted him and wanted him to tell me he was in the emergency room being treated for chest pains. DING DING! WARNING BELL! If he could text our mutual aquaintance, why couldn't he text me? (By the way, that whole "have someone tell someone else something" thing is a whole different part of his pathology, but that's another story for another time). Oh well. I shook the thought away. I just hoped he was okay.
An hour or so later, he called me. He assured me he was fine to go to the event that night. When I saw him later that day, he didn't seem sick at all. He was perfectly fine. He did tell me that meant we couldn't stay at his apartment that night (he lived out of town)- we would go and stay at his parents' home, because "they had the medicine he needed there."
I would later find out more about why we really couldn't stay at his apartment. Again, another story for another time.
But this day was my first experience with his very large lies to cover for when he blew me off or blew anyone off. This was my first experience with the pity ploy, too, I think. Oh, no, it wasn't. That would've been the few days prior when he blew off something because his dad was having "triple bypass surgery." Cut to the night a few days later when we stayed at his parents' after the event. He told me (pre-damage control) on our way to their house to "not mention his Dad's surgery if he was home, because he was really sensitive about it. In fact, you'd never know he had surgery at all. He's recovered so fast."
Yep, you'd never know he had surgery, because he didn't. If only I'd see through that right then and there, I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache. Unfortunately, I bought it hook, line, and sinker.
Which brings me to my first real interactions with Clark. One of them involved plans we were supposed to have one night, yet the day of, I couldn't get ahold of him via cell phone. I kept texting and texting, starting to get nervous. Breaking off our afternoon plans was one thing, but we were supposed to be attending a big event that night, but I had no idea what time we were meeting, etc. I'm someone who lives by planner, so this was a problem.
Finally, a mutual aquaintance sent me a text saying Clark had texted him and wanted him to tell me he was in the emergency room being treated for chest pains. DING DING! WARNING BELL! If he could text our mutual aquaintance, why couldn't he text me? (By the way, that whole "have someone tell someone else something" thing is a whole different part of his pathology, but that's another story for another time). Oh well. I shook the thought away. I just hoped he was okay.
An hour or so later, he called me. He assured me he was fine to go to the event that night. When I saw him later that day, he didn't seem sick at all. He was perfectly fine. He did tell me that meant we couldn't stay at his apartment that night (he lived out of town)- we would go and stay at his parents' home, because "they had the medicine he needed there."
I would later find out more about why we really couldn't stay at his apartment. Again, another story for another time.
But this day was my first experience with his very large lies to cover for when he blew me off or blew anyone off. This was my first experience with the pity ploy, too, I think. Oh, no, it wasn't. That would've been the few days prior when he blew off something because his dad was having "triple bypass surgery." Cut to the night a few days later when we stayed at his parents' after the event. He told me (pre-damage control) on our way to their house to "not mention his Dad's surgery if he was home, because he was really sensitive about it. In fact, you'd never know he had surgery at all. He's recovered so fast."
Yep, you'd never know he had surgery, because he didn't. If only I'd see through that right then and there, I'd have saved myself a lot of heartache. Unfortunately, I bought it hook, line, and sinker.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
The Magical, Expanding Timeline!
Another thing I should've noticed about Clark right off the bat was that the timeline of his stories just didn't fit. He was of course an "expert" in his field,and he'd been renowned in said field. He'd had all sorts of awesome jobs, positions that neither made sense given his qualifications nor given his age. Since high school, he'd been on broadway (only later, when I compared notes with others who had been "friends" with him, I found out which show he claimed he'd done changed several times.), been a model, starred in stage shows at a theme park (I do believe he worked there, but I think the lie was in the role he "gave" himself in these stories), studied abroad in France for a semester (and was fluent in French), been on a trip to Afghanistan ( I later found out it was Iraq in some peoples' versions). Technically, from what I know, he only left town for about two years, and it seems almost impossible that all of these things could have happened in that time. Not to mention, Google is an incredible tool, and let's just say there is no record of him anywhere near any of these things.
Of course, I can't check the records of the France story, but I will say this...after I started to find out his lies, I recalled an incident where we met up with a friend of mine who was fluent in French. I raved to her about how Clark was, too...they could talk to each other! I remember her talking to him and the look of panic on his face. He just stared at her, his face turning red. I now attribute that to exactly what it was: he didn't understand a word she was saying, because he wasn't fluent in French at all.
This is one thing that still bugs me in regards to his snowing people to this day, because he uses these "professional acting credits" on his resume to land jobs and the respect of people around him, which is one reason so many people are quick to drink in his flattery. After all, who doesn't want to hear a professional actor tell them how great they are in an amateur theatre?
I wonder sometimes how I was dumb enough to believe it, too. After all, if he was a professional actor, why the heck was he busy doing community theatre productions? Why were there no playbills or pictures from his time in New York as a model or on the road on his tour?
But he was also very good at lending crediblity to his stories in such a way that you never heard the attesting to from someone else, but you believed it came from someone else just the same. Example: he once told me how some of his students (whom I knew) had "looked up his pictures online," and how embarrassing that was. I never saw them, I never asked the students about them. But someone, just that little tidbit was enough that it made you believe it. It's a phenomenon I can't exactly explain. It was as if he was able to have someone else corroborate his story when in actuality, it was just him lying to corroborate it using their names. Some of the tactics are so simple it's hard to believe they work!
I guess it goes back to the whole thing about how, if you're close to someone, you don't have a reason to doubt them. After all, 96% of the population aren't sociopaths. Unfortunately, I'd befriended one of the 4% that is.
Of course, I can't check the records of the France story, but I will say this...after I started to find out his lies, I recalled an incident where we met up with a friend of mine who was fluent in French. I raved to her about how Clark was, too...they could talk to each other! I remember her talking to him and the look of panic on his face. He just stared at her, his face turning red. I now attribute that to exactly what it was: he didn't understand a word she was saying, because he wasn't fluent in French at all.
This is one thing that still bugs me in regards to his snowing people to this day, because he uses these "professional acting credits" on his resume to land jobs and the respect of people around him, which is one reason so many people are quick to drink in his flattery. After all, who doesn't want to hear a professional actor tell them how great they are in an amateur theatre?
I wonder sometimes how I was dumb enough to believe it, too. After all, if he was a professional actor, why the heck was he busy doing community theatre productions? Why were there no playbills or pictures from his time in New York as a model or on the road on his tour?
But he was also very good at lending crediblity to his stories in such a way that you never heard the attesting to from someone else, but you believed it came from someone else just the same. Example: he once told me how some of his students (whom I knew) had "looked up his pictures online," and how embarrassing that was. I never saw them, I never asked the students about them. But someone, just that little tidbit was enough that it made you believe it. It's a phenomenon I can't exactly explain. It was as if he was able to have someone else corroborate his story when in actuality, it was just him lying to corroborate it using their names. Some of the tactics are so simple it's hard to believe they work!
I guess it goes back to the whole thing about how, if you're close to someone, you don't have a reason to doubt them. After all, 96% of the population aren't sociopaths. Unfortunately, I'd befriended one of the 4% that is.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
So Many Crazies, So Little Time
There are a lot of things that should've clued me in that something with Clark wasn't right. Then again, there were a lot of things; I just ignored them. How could I not? After all, if there was one thing he was good at, it was showing me, his target, everything I needed to see to believe that he was a great person and that anyone who said one word against him must just not know him very well.
Looking back, though, there were so many signs. There were wild claims of things he'd done when there seemed to be no evidence of this past aside from his tales about it. He also had many a serious pity ploy, which many books say is the closest thing to a warning stamp on a Sociopath you'll ever see. However, those things are for later blogs, because today, I want to talk about another sign I should've noticed...
There were way too many "crazy" people in his past as well as way too many people who "hated him for no reason." The second or third time I was alone with him, he confided in me about his "crazy" ex-boyfriend (we'll call him Andy) who was abusive, had once pulled a knife on him after chasing him in his car, and at a separate time, had tried to poison him. And though I never saw him, Andy would occassionally "show up" in town, call Clark, or otherwise harrass Clark, which would cause a massive pity event.
There was another girl I knew, we'll call her Mallory, who moved from town just as I was coming into his life. When I first met her, I had the impression the two of them were very close friends. However, when she moved, I got a very different story. She was "crazy" and "obsessed with him." He would tell me all kinds of stories ranging from how she would watch him sleep (they were roommates) to how she embezzled money from the company they ran together.
There would be several people in town who he would tell me had a vendetta against him for no reason or even worse...they hated him because he "was gay." They would talk badly about him, not support his company and tell others not to support his company because they were "crazy." And there did seem to be an awful lot of people who seemed to dislike him or have grudges against him. But I just couldn't understand it; all I'd ever seen was this sweet, wonderful person who I'd come to think of as my best friend.
Well, when I was discarded, I started to learn more about Clark and what he was, and I began to learn more about sociopathy and targets. I also found out the truth about these "crazy" people. They were me. They weren't crazy; they were past targets who'd found out, just like I had, what Clark was. So, in order to avoid the risk of them exposing him to people who liked Clark, he painted them as crazy. He would tell all of the current people on his radar, particularly his current target, wild (false) stories about his past targets to totally destroy their credibility. For target Andy, it was that he was an attempted murderer. He's not. He's actually a normal guy who was never charged with anything as Clark told me. I know. I've spoken to him. For the girl Mallory, she was a creepily obsessed with him and an embezzler. Those are just two; I have actually talked to several others. Me? I'm apparently an obsessed stalker who talked horribly about a lot of people he associated with.
It's not a bad plan, I guess. People don't want to believe their neighbor or their friend or the teacher could, well, not have a conscience. People want to believe the best of people, even when all the signs say they shouldn't. If someone has a choice of admitting someone they know is a sociopath or thinking someone is just scorned and bitter and "crazy," it's much easier for them to believe the "crazy" version. Not to mention of course, that sociopaths are convincing enough, charismatic enough, can spin enough stories, and tell enough lies to make sure they look like the victim instead of their targets.
So, let this be a lesson to you: one "crazy" = maybe. Two "crazy"= hazy. Three "crazy"= scorsese. As in, you need to run like you're being chased by a guy with a gun in a Martin Scorsese film!
Looking back, though, there were so many signs. There were wild claims of things he'd done when there seemed to be no evidence of this past aside from his tales about it. He also had many a serious pity ploy, which many books say is the closest thing to a warning stamp on a Sociopath you'll ever see. However, those things are for later blogs, because today, I want to talk about another sign I should've noticed...
There were way too many "crazy" people in his past as well as way too many people who "hated him for no reason." The second or third time I was alone with him, he confided in me about his "crazy" ex-boyfriend (we'll call him Andy) who was abusive, had once pulled a knife on him after chasing him in his car, and at a separate time, had tried to poison him. And though I never saw him, Andy would occassionally "show up" in town, call Clark, or otherwise harrass Clark, which would cause a massive pity event.
There was another girl I knew, we'll call her Mallory, who moved from town just as I was coming into his life. When I first met her, I had the impression the two of them were very close friends. However, when she moved, I got a very different story. She was "crazy" and "obsessed with him." He would tell me all kinds of stories ranging from how she would watch him sleep (they were roommates) to how she embezzled money from the company they ran together.
There would be several people in town who he would tell me had a vendetta against him for no reason or even worse...they hated him because he "was gay." They would talk badly about him, not support his company and tell others not to support his company because they were "crazy." And there did seem to be an awful lot of people who seemed to dislike him or have grudges against him. But I just couldn't understand it; all I'd ever seen was this sweet, wonderful person who I'd come to think of as my best friend.
Well, when I was discarded, I started to learn more about Clark and what he was, and I began to learn more about sociopathy and targets. I also found out the truth about these "crazy" people. They were me. They weren't crazy; they were past targets who'd found out, just like I had, what Clark was. So, in order to avoid the risk of them exposing him to people who liked Clark, he painted them as crazy. He would tell all of the current people on his radar, particularly his current target, wild (false) stories about his past targets to totally destroy their credibility. For target Andy, it was that he was an attempted murderer. He's not. He's actually a normal guy who was never charged with anything as Clark told me. I know. I've spoken to him. For the girl Mallory, she was a creepily obsessed with him and an embezzler. Those are just two; I have actually talked to several others. Me? I'm apparently an obsessed stalker who talked horribly about a lot of people he associated with.
It's not a bad plan, I guess. People don't want to believe their neighbor or their friend or the teacher could, well, not have a conscience. People want to believe the best of people, even when all the signs say they shouldn't. If someone has a choice of admitting someone they know is a sociopath or thinking someone is just scorned and bitter and "crazy," it's much easier for them to believe the "crazy" version. Not to mention of course, that sociopaths are convincing enough, charismatic enough, can spin enough stories, and tell enough lies to make sure they look like the victim instead of their targets.
So, let this be a lesson to you: one "crazy" = maybe. Two "crazy"= hazy. Three "crazy"= scorsese. As in, you need to run like you're being chased by a guy with a gun in a Martin Scorsese film!
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